How to Live Successfully: In Relationships, Family & Love

Today, like all previous Sunday blogs I had no topic or plan to blog.  The topics come as divine inspiration, and then I write.  It is the same with my song writing-it’s a timing thing.

While reading through the Facebook News Feed this morning; I saw a story about a father who threw his baby into a creek, killing her.  Lord have mercy!  We hear about these stories all too often.  I always think, if only kids could pick their parents!  Compelled to leave a comment I chimed in with, “Self-hate is evil's handiwork” and it really got me thinking.  Our lives are a reflection of what we believe about ourselves.

Angry people frequently lash out not at those who have inflicted their root pain but often on a un-suspecting stranger or in this case an innocent child.  Be it on a conscious or on a sub-conscious level, our attributes and actions are rooted in our beliefs (right or wrong) about ourselves.  Those actions then set us on a course to fulfill our beliefs.  Everyone and everything on our journey is affected by our beliefs.

Let’s say I believe/fear that I won’t get my ideal mate; then unintentionally I sabotage myself, behaving in ways that won’t be attractive to my ideal mate.  I then attract a non-ideal mate; proving my beliefs right.  Keep in mind the non-ideal mate’s beliefs are also at work here.  For he knows that an insecure mate is someone he can conquer.   If my ideal mate is a strong, caring, well groomed, God loving man then why would I settle for a good looking disrespectful, angry, selfish man?  Here’s how.  It’s because I've given up or don’t believe I am worthy of attracting the man I really want , so I settle.  My non-ideal mate and his ideal mate attract one another and our dis-function begins.

As an early observer of behavior and relationships, I started asking myself, what kind of person do you want to be?  What kind of life do you really want?  What kind of health do you really want?  What kind of love do you really want?  This forced me to be very honest with myself.  It is when I am able to be completely honest with myself and give myself permission to believe that I can have those things I really want, that what I attract into my life and my trajectory shifts.  It’s how I navigate my journey.

Learning to say no to those things and people that did not factor into the life I wanted was the biggest challenge; as it is for many of us.  Operating outside the status quo is a lifestyle we must learn to be comfortable in.  Sure even now I still have people making comments about my being a non-drinker.  It’s only because others see the contrast between you and them; it’s not about you but it’s about them and the self or life they may have long ago abandoned.  Sometimes that contrast between us and others can inspire all of us to re-visit the what kind of life do I want questions.

So, if you want to have successful lives and relationships; don’t be afraid to say no, do not settle; be very selective with whom you spend time and share yourself with, go into business with and especially who you procreate with.  Heed the signs-they present themselves for a reason.  Chose wisely, the bi-product of our co-creations impacts not only our lives but state of our society.

Share your thoughts, you may help someone: Facebook

Live on purpose,

Siloam

SiloamPool is a singer/song writer from Detroit, MI visit: www.SiloamPool.com

How to Heal: Before, During & After Loss

This week several of my Facebook friends were hurting and reached out asking for prayer and encouragement. They had loved ones in the hospital or who had passed away. My heart wept for them; because I understood how they felt, what they were going through. So this morning I felt compelled to share something, I hope will help you when faced with this facet of life.

A few years ago my big sister Pat lay in her hospital bed fighting the good fight after her lung transplant.

We are very close family and promised her we would be with her every step of the way; she wouldn’t take the journey alone. Pat a gentle, strong, always thinking of others spirit fought a courageous battle. She never complained, not once!

During her hospital stay, Pat once asked me are you writing? My reply was no, I couldn’t write. I confess during that time my heart was just so broken and I didn’t want to write a bunch of sad songs. You see this was our families second go round with a loved one fighting the effects of Sarcoidosis. CeCe had passed away a few years prior to Pat’s transplant. So for all us this was an excruciatingly painful time but we had to be courageous for Pat.

What was the source of our strength; especially our Mom (our warrior) what was helping us make it through? It is our deeply rooted faith in God. He has always shown his amazing love and care of our family. So although we were grieved, knew not the how’s and the when’s we knew everything would work out. That’s how it’s always been and this was no different.

Fast forward, Pat passed away and three years later so did Mom. It’s been tough moving on without my Mom and Sisters. For a long time it seemed as if grief had un-invitingly moved in, pulled up a chair, put its feet up, had its mouth wide open and was trying to swallow me whole! I’m still adjusting to this new normal, which is still very weird but Mom, Pat and CeCe would want me to continue doing the things we talked about. Moving on has been with much prayer, faith, time and the love of God, friends and family.

So, like my Facebook friends did this week, reach out to those around you; ask for help, prayer, and encouragement and give yourself time to process. But most of all reach up, God is the ultimate comfort.


Love & PEACE,
Siloam


SiloamPool is a Singer/Songwriter from Detroit, MI. Learn more on: www.SiloamPool.com

Has Technology Made Us More Out of Touch?

Oftentimes my friends and I ask one another; has technology made us more or less in touch, more or less sensitive to one another? Usually some current event sparks our insightful discussions. We always come away with, people have always been the facilitator of acts of kindness or the cause of pain; technology is a platform used to positively or negatively impact others. The ability to hide behind a screen and say what we would not say when face to face with another human being. So we surmise the up-tick is our use of the technology that is part to blame for our being out of touch with one another.

Unfortunately media has learned that they have our loyalty by fulfilling our appetite with the misbehaviors and misfortunes of others; even making some of these people stars. We then model after these stars and adjust our behavior to attract attention. It’s a crazy cycle. Take a look at today’s headlines. Which ones have tops views? Look at search engine rankings and our choices of entertainment; which ones are the most popular? It is no wonder that we are becoming more insensitive to one another. Especially now that technology can deliver these messages in real time and we’re plugged in 24-7 for work, school and pleasure; being over saturated with messages that don’t always positively edify us.

A couple of years ago, exhausted by more information than I wanted to ingest, media’s trite portrayals and the demands of being plugged in, I purposely chose to start unplugging throughout the day. I’m a calm natured person; so most mornings, there is no radio, television or computer turned on. Just peace and quiet-I love it. It allows my spirit to listen and talk with God. It’s how I tune in to what is truly happening in our world and those around me. Once I am plugged in, it is with awareness.

I am always intrigued when a group of people get together and how many have their heads down typing on their phone. Don’t get me wrong, I think technology is great, but like anything we over do; it can be un-healthy.

In an effort to maintain the strong bond with family and friends I won’t let them text me. Every so often I still get a little push back but once I reiterate why, they understand. The phone and Skype are great for talking! If they want communicate with me they have call or I do let them email me (some of us live in different time zones); if the email requires a quick-brief response. I did that because talking with one another, hearing your voice on the phone or sitting face to face allows us to be tuned in; more than what you could type in a text. We can pick up on tone, expressions and body language which helps us be sensitive to one another and mindful of how we treat one another.

Case in point: my niece just called while I am writing this blog. She shared with me that she was selected to attend a social behavioral conference in Italy. It was a wonderful conversation. We talked about her trip, upcoming graduation and this blog. So I asked her, which expression meant the most to her, hearing my excitement on the phone or if she had read it in a text? Her response, hearing it!

So, I ask-how plugged in are you, your kids, friends and family with one another? Do you know your neighbors, their names? How often do you talk with one another? No, texting does not qualify as talking.

Do share Follow me on Twitter; I want to know your thoughts: has technology made us more out of touch?

SiloamPool is a Singer/Songwriter from Detroit, MI. Learn more on: www.SiloamPool.com